Unpacking a Near-Death Experience
A personal journal of self-discovery following a Near-Death Experience
Grab a coffee, sit, relax, and join me on a journey to the place and time where it all began…
Imagine yourself for a moment that you get kidnapped. You are blindfolded. Everything is black. You feel drugged, bewildered and disoriented. During this time you no longer have your rudimentary earthly senses to guide your thoughts and the black and white choices born from those thoughts because although they appear intact and correct , they are now frozen in fear. Your defensive responses overwhelm your decision process. This feeling lasts what appears to be mere seconds. Suddenly, you find your perspective has changed. You are no longer a participant. You are now the observer.
Now, you can see clearly, more clarity than you have ever experienced before. You begin to realize your senses are actually expanding and multiplying in new and exciting ways. How can this be possible, you think, as you find yourself confronted with the realization that what you are now observing is your own body, right where you remember it. You don’t panic and actually look at your body with detached mild amusement.
Your sense of fear and confusion to the emotions you are used to in human form is now being replaced with a new sense and feeling of unconditional acceptance and love. Never before have you felt anything like this level of acceptance, of being loved so unconditionally without judgment. That which you chased and sought your entire human life has now enveloped you and overwhelms you. It’s intoxicating.
You now realize from your new observer awareness that there is no need to judge what is happening, it is what it is. The universe is actually in communication with you, responding to your need in a loving and non-judgmental way as you navigate from human based understandings, beliefs and perspective you just disengaged from to your new reality, and the way things truly are.
Lets say at this moment you need there to be a Jesus to greet you, because that is what you believed and expect from your human perspective. You suspect that then Jesus will appear for you, as is the case in many NDE shared experiences where the experiencers cultural underpinnings are based in that context. While Jesus was not a part of your own personal NDE experience because you didn’t need him to be, you suspect Jesus will be beside you as long as you need him to be if that is what you need at the time of your death. As you work thru and release the need that manifests Jesus, the need for there to be a Jesus fades.
Your thoughts are now very powerful and very different from your human perspective. In this purely observer perspective, “you” are content to just observe. You can still see, you can still feel, you can still smell but in an expanded sense and more vibrant in it’s presentation and not in the way you are accustomed.
You now find yourself floating about 200 yards above your home now taking in your surroundings. You observe a couple walking their dog past your house, and scream out to them “HELLO”, and are stunned that they look in your direction. WTF? Whatever they see, you realize they don’t like it and sense their fear. The dog isn’t amused at all. He takes off in full fright flight as the couple take the cue and try to keep up. You observe as they flee to the security and safety of their home. You find this hysterical! You realize they actually live quite close to you, next street over, the backyards almost back onto each other.
You look back at your body to make sure it is still there. Even though your body is within the walls and under the roof of your home, you can see it clearly. Your not quite sure how that is possible, but as you observe your body on the bed, you thoughts momentarily turn to how your going to get back into it. You suddenly become aware of a thread between your human body and your observational proximity. The thread is Gold, you observe it, follow it and intuit it does not appear too strong. This connection somehow comforts you. You instinctively know the thread is keeping you tethered to your human experience in some way.
Now you turn back to what is around you. You observe that now you are slowly rising higher and higher. You look around and just feel this ever present feeling of love and contentment. As you look take in your surroundings, you get this unmistakable feeling that everything is perfect. Everything appears to be as it should be. You can see for miles. You follow the now tiny car headlights head up streets, the streetlights illuminating up abandoned streets, the stars above you are more vivid than you have ever experienced.
You hear 2 dogs barking and wonder what they are doing. In the instant of making that thought, that intention, you are now in the alley observing the 2 dogs trying to create little puppies. Ohhh…that’s what they’re doing in the alley.
You laugh. This is fun.
A couple sitting on a nearby park bench cuddling catches your interest, You wonder what they are doing. Bam! As soon as you formed the thought, you now find yourself 5 feet away watching the energy between them, bright hues of every colour in the rainbow, the perfection of their love being witnessed in that moment. Everything is perfect. All things are as they should be for their highest good.
Your interest now goes to the huge maple tree behind the couple. You wonder what it is like to be a maple tree. Bam! You are now experiencing what it is like to be a maple tree. Your amazed the maple tree is actually having it’s own conscious experience. The tree senses, it feels, You experience a new kind of communication, not with words, but empathy, for lack of a better word telepathically. You feel the tree supporting other trees in the area, bringing it food, water thru it’s root system because it’s roots are deeper and it can reach the life giving water the younger trees no longer reach. The roots are also a web of communication, every tree is connected to another in some way. Everything is done thru co-operation. There is no need for money here. To withhold is to die. You find yourself now feeling the sun hit your leaves You experience the process in which the tree turns it into energy, life. There is no withholding, no demand for payment by the sun. There is just mutual co-operation. Nothing is scanted. You now feel the breeze tickling your leaves. You feel part of something bigger than your-self. As it should be.
Almost as fast as your intention was formed to experience the tree, it ended and you find yourself again back to the role of the observer. The memories of the life experience of the tree remain and becomes part of you. It is as if you lived and experienced it all yourself. You are not sad you can’t have this experience or understanding as a human. All is as it should be.
Your mind races. You now wonder what it is like to be a horse. Bam! You are in a field observing a horse. No words are spoken, you just understand you need ask the horse if you can share in his experience, not with words but with thought and intention. The horse allows. Bam! Wow! Mere words cannot do the experience justice, but extraordinary comes dribbling out of my thoughts if that is any help to you. You have no idea how long you were sharing a conscious experience as a horse, but as you leave the experience back to your observer position, the all memories of the horse’s experiences are now also your memories, as yours human nemories now are also now part of the horse’s memories. You thank the horse for sharing. The horse thanked you also for sharing your human memories and experiences with him. We both leave the experience better for it. Everything is as it should be.
Now you find yourself very high, so high you can no longer see the ground. You observe your surroundings and now you start to panic. You look at the thread, and it goes down into the fog. You can no longer see your body. Your about to leave the earth atmosphere. Shit! I’m going to die if I do. You begin to panic. The thread that binds you to your body stretches out below you, but it looks so weak your afraid it will break and you then won’t get back to your body. You try frantically get closer to you body to no avail.
For the first time in the experience, a voice appears. Not a real voice, rather a telepathy. A mind voice is the best way to describe the ineffable
“Don’t be afraid. You can come home if you wish.”
“If I wish” , your thoughts abuzz with the implication you actually have a choice?
I don’t understand, you mean I have died? as you struggle to comprehend the implications to that new awareness. Your feeling rather stupid that option didn’t enter into your considerations when you were looking at your body for the first time.
“Yes”. said the voice in your thoughts, the answers come back to your mind as fast as you can think them up.
“How did I die?” I think, not really sure why that piece of information was important. You are stalling.
“If you choose to return home, the medical finding will show you died of a massive heart attack.” the voice inside your head flatly pointed out.
“If I choose to return to my body, will I have any disability and will my body still function as it did before I had the heart attack? Am I going to be disabled because of the heart attack?” you responded, worried about the implications of the choice to return to the body.
“There will be no permanent physical damage to your body if you return. In fact your body will heal from the effects of the heart attack very, very quickly.” said the unknown voice in your head.
In the instant of thought that you want to return to the human body you occupied, BAM! you are slammed back into it’s experience.
When I mean slammed, I mean it in the rude way.
Fuck…that was rude as my body reacted and I now find myself gasping for air and screaming out in pain. Your roommate at the time, comes running into your room and is open mouthed agape with concern and surprise.
He calls 911 against your wishes.
As you survey your surroundings and take stock of your condition, you notice you are totally covered in sweat, apparently you peed the bed and then some. The blanket is on the floor, exactly where you recall seeing it when you were looking down at your body in the experience.
Your still struggling to catch your breath when the police arrive. You hear the cop ask my roommate whether I am on drugs. I snicker to myself.
The fire department is next to arrive at your re-birth party, soon to be followed by the paramedics shortly thereafter. The paramedics ask you what happened. “Well, apparently I had a heart attack in my sleep, died, had this amazing journey where I became a tree, a horse and a blade of grass, met God, who allowed me to come back to my body and here we all are.” You look around in mild amusement at the shock value retort to find the room had now gone completely silent and there were about 10 sets of eyes all staring in my direction.
“The paramedic turns to your roommate and says “Has he taken anything? Coke ? Acid ? Hallucinates? as he’s now also hooking me up to all these unknown machines without losing a step.
“No, not that I am aware of” replied your roommate, thankfully adding “he not into any of those things at all”
The 101 questions paramedic then turned his queries to you. “What day is it”. “How many fingers am I holding up”. “What is your name”, “Where do you live”…etc…etc…
You think you answered them all correctly because you were more focused on the heart monitor that was making a lot of concerning patterns and beeping noises than his queries.
You protest loudly, when they inform you that they are taking you to the hospital. “Absolutely not” you respond. “God told me I will heal very quickly so that is not necessary.”, and instantly regretting that reply when the room again fell silent, and 12 sets of eyes were again fixated on you, mouths all agape. The whispers again start, eyes of the spectators locking on one another speaking the language not spoken in words…. “looney”
“I’ll be fine, thank you for your concern.” you retort hoping they aren’t now planning on taking you to the psychiatric ward instead of Emergency.
You breath a sigh of relief when despite their protestations, they begin to free you form all these machines they have hooked up, and present a form for you to sign that says you are refusing advice and treatment. You sign. Everyone eventually leaves, your roommate shakes his head in disbelief and heads back to his own bedroom, and you get up, clean yourself off, change the bed and clothes, head out to the balcony to have a much needed cigarette, look up at the sky, inhale deeply and know this is where the unpacking process begins……